


Kao

by frk_werewolf (wolfelements)



Series: Fisi'Verse [2]
Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Apartment hunting, Comedy, Hyena Xander, M/M, Souled Spike, Spike is not amused
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-08
Updated: 2016-05-08
Packaged: 2018-06-07 01:20:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6779437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wolfelements/pseuds/frk_werewolf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Xander and Spike search for an apartment.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Kao

**Author's Note:**

> Kao is Swahili for Dwelling.

"No dogs. No cats. No iguanas!" The tall, old, and very stern woman insisted. Xander felt himself lean back and against Spike, hoping that by creating more space between them he wouldn’t be forced to deal with Mrs. Donahue's bad breath. "No animal slaughters of any kind!"

"Animal slaughters?" Xander squeaked.

"Bloody hell, what kind of people do you have living in this place?" Spike asked. Mrs. Donahue, who would normally send a grown man in a weeping fit, stared coldly at Spike. The vampire, not used to seeing that particular look directed at him, did the safe thing and hid behind Xander.

"No loud music." Mrs. Donahue continued. "No burning down the building."

"Off her rocker, this one is." Spike muttered into Xander's ear. 

"Oh, and one last rule." Mrs. Donahue said. "No homosexual acts of any kind."

Xander didn't even bother to say goodbye when she said that. Sending the woman a dirty look, Xander calmly grabbed Spike's arm and pulled him out of the office. They exited the polished, superb looking apartment building and began trekking down the street.

"Well, that's number fifteen we can cross off." Xander said with a sigh.

"How is finding a bloody apartment this difficult?" Spike demanded, pulling out a folded piece of newspaper from his duster. He unfolded the classified ads and handed them to Xander, who marked off one of the circled boxes with a red marker.

"We live in Sunnydale. Maybe that's reason enough." Xander stated. Xander let out an annoyed growl. "The next apartment for rent is two blocks over. You want to check it out, or wait until tomorrow?"

"We might as well look today." Spike replied.

They walked over to the next apartment building and knocked lightly on the leasing office's door. It was answered by a short man, covered in pizza grease, with a bright pink Britney Spears ball cap perched on top of his messy head and what looked like a pepperoni stuck in his large beard. Spike forced himself not to breath voluntarily.

"Umm, hi... We're here to see about the apartment for rent?" Xander asked, eyeing the little man with distaste.

"Och." The man said. Blinking, Xander sent Spike a confused look. "Be right out."

The door slammed in their face.

"Okay." Xander said, slowly. 

"Only us, pet." Spike informed him. "Only we would have this much trouble finding a place to live."

"Yeah. God is totally smoting us." Xander agreed. "It must be all the sex we have."

"Are you sure I can't hire someone to kill your parents?" Spike asked for the fiftieth time since they started this venture. "That way we can just live at your house."

"I told you, Spike." Xander said with a tired sigh. "If we kill them now, then they won't grow old and realize how horrible they've treated me in my young years. I don't know about you, but I'm expecting considerable payment in the form of a will, by then."

"I suppose." Spike mumbled as the door opened once more.

"So, ye want to look at the apartment, do ye?" The little man asked with a horrible accent. Xander suspected it was suppose to Scottish, but it sounded like a fake one to him. The man made his way to the stairs and up to the third floor. "Name's Gim."

"Gim?" Spike asked.

"Yeah. Ye got a problem with that, boy?" Gim asked, raising a thick eyebrow.

"No." Spike replied, trying not to smirk or possibly laugh his arse off. Gim nodded and pulled out a set of keys. They stopped in front of a beat up looking door, which he proceeded to unlock. They stepped inside, finding a bare and stained living/dining room/kitchen.

"So..." Gim eyed the two as they looked around. "Ye goin' to be sharing this place?"

"Yeah. You got a problem with that?" Spike asked, reusing the man's phrase.

"Och." Gim said, as though that explained everything. "Ye know... If you ever are in the mood for something a little... Short-"

"Excuse me?" Xander growled, pushing Spike behind him. Spike rolled his eyes, having now gotten used to Xander being defensive toward everyone that attempted to come onto him. Though, at this moment, Spike was a little thankful. Because, Ew!

Twenty minutes later, and they were once again out on the street looking at the classifieds. Gim was currently sporting a bruise and hiding in his office. With a sigh, Xander marked off one more apartment.

"This never ends." Xander sighed.

"Well, how about that one?" Spike asked, pointing at the next apartment.

"Might as well try it." Xander agreed, letting Spike place the ads back into his duster. They made their way down a few streets, twisting and turning, until they came across a tall, elite looking building.

"May I help you?" A snotty looking man asked, eyeing them from the lobby's desk. 

"We're here to check out the apartment that's for lease." Spike informed him, already disliking the skinny man.

"Well, then." The man sneered. "I'm sorry but I do believe we've filled that space. So, if you wouldn’t mind-"

"Reginald." A short, motherly looking woman called, appearing at the inner office door. "Send them in."

"B-but, mother!" Reginald whined.

"Reginald." The woman looked at him sternly, before turning on her heal and walking into the office. Reginald sent them a dark look and gesturing for them to follow. They entered a clean, perfectly designed office and sat down in the comfortable chairs. The motherly woman gazed at the with a soft smile. "I'm terribly sorry about Reginald's behavior. He seems to be under the impression that we should only let certain people lease here."

"It's not a problem." Xander smiled.

"My name is Mrs. Galloway, but most of the tenants call me Mum." Mrs. Galloway grinned. "Now, then, how about we go take a look?"

The apartment was perfect, with a large balcony and even bigger bedroom.

"So, what's wrong with it?" Spike asked.

"Oh, nothing." Mrs. Galloway insisted. "The monthly payments are a bit higher than most apartments in Sunnydale, but we do believe ours are of higher standards. Not to say it's difficult to be chosen as a tenant! Just the opposite in fact. We just expect you to give as much as we give."

"Meaning?" Xander raised an eyebrow.

"Meaning, the moment something goes wrong with the apartment, you are to tell us. It saves money if we can catch defaults when they appear. Also, no large dogs. Small animals, including terriers and cats, are acceptable." Mrs. Galloway explained. "We would prefer if you keep the noise to a minimum. We don't normally lease to those who have children, due to a good number of elderly residents and college students who like the quiet."

"Oh, we don't have kids." Xander assured her. "Or pets for that matter."

"Hmm, well, that's basically it." Mrs. Galloway announced. "You will, of course, need to pass a credit and criminal check." She eyed Spike. "I don't suppose you have a green card?"

"Err..." Spike sent Xander a shocked look. 

"Hmm, well, it's actually not a problem. Some people are really big on the anti-immigration laws, but I, for one, believe that people should be allowed to live where they want to live." Mrs. Galloway informed them. "Well, if you're ready, we can return to the office and fill out the forms?"

"Sure." Xander replied, rather amazed at how easily the woman took everything. They returned to the office and filled out the required forms.

"It will be about a week." Mrs. Galloway informed them as they stood to leave. "But I don't think there will be any problems."

"Thank you." Xander smiled, shaking her hand. As they were leaving, Xander couldn't help but overhear Mrs. Galloway speak with her son.

"Mother, you do realize this is the tenth gay couple you plan on leasing." Reginald complained.

"Yes, I know. But they are terribly adorable, don't you think?" Mrs. Galloway replied, with a happy sigh.


End file.
